The warm Spring air of 2014 was scented with the fragrance of Gillyflowers, Sweet Rocket and Narcissus, and the garden bloomed, rested, then bloomed again with blood red, Summer, Flanders Poppies, rainbow coloured Zinnias and cobalt blue Cornflowers. But by the time the Autumn Rudbeckia were in flower and my cherry red sandals were quite worn, I was divorced and my beloved cat Ossie had died.
Whilst the garden was picture perfect, my inner world showed signs of stress. I got into multifarious muddles; with paperwork and bills, and with a chaotic untidiness inside the house, which made everything impossible to find. And I could not ever clear it up. I have swung from happiness to despair in a matter of moments and gone to mad making extremes, sometimes spending too much money, sometimes shopping at flea markets to survive.
I have cooked, baked, gardened and power- walked to excess, throughout the year, trying coming to come to terms with my new status as a single person whilst my ex-husband described the divorce as something he “did not see as a termination”, but, something he did “to draw a line, not to move on without each other”. By the time the flowers in the Cottage Garden were shedding their seeds, my confusion was complete and no weeding or pruning could seem to sever the invisible and deep rooted ties I felt I had to a 35 year old marriage.
Then, yesterday, under a cool blue sky, I returned to the garden to clear away dead leaves and found the shoots of Snowdrops breaking through the ground. Here was a sign of new growth! And I realised that my old life was all but gone and that it was time for the last remnants of it to be let go in order for a new life and vitality to blossom and flourish.
It is time to try to start living again……..
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…”
A Tale of Two Cities (1859) Charles Dickens.